James A. McAlister Funeral Home
About Us
JAMES A. McALISTER Funerals & Cremation
We are committed to doing everything possible to help you and your family through your time of loss with personal service and the attention to detail that families have come to expect.
An independently owned & operated funeral home.
1620 Savannah Highway Charleston, SC 29407
Phone: (843) 766-1365 ~ Fax: (843) 766-6938
Obituaries
Recent Obituaries
Cantwell, David
May 11, 2013
David Cantwell
May 11, 2013
David Gerard Cantwell, 51 , of James Island, passed away on Sat. May 11, 2013, of natural causes. David was born in Charleston, SC, at Saint Francis Hospital on August 3, 1961, to the late James R. Cantwell, III and Patricia E. Cantwell. David was a graduate of Saint. Andrews High School. He worked as a chemical operator for Rhodia for 23 years. He enjoyed surfing and skateboarding in his earlier years. What David enjoyed most in life was the time spent with his three beautiful granddaughters. He was an avid Dallas Cowboys fan and enjoyed watching Nascar races. David is survived and will be missed by two children: Crystal L. Cantwell of Charleston, SC and David E. Cantwell and his wife Ellen Cantwell of Beaufort, SC; Three granddaughters: Jay-lynn, Mackenzie, and Kendall Cantwell; one brother: James R. Cantwell IV (Kelly) of James Island and two sisters: Geralyn C. Boxx (Thomas) of James Island and Christine C. Rumsey (Kevin) of Gainesville, Fl., many aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, cousins, and friends. The relatives and friends of David Gerard Cantwell are invited to attend his Funeral Service at 6:30 PM Thursday, May 16, 2013, from the chapel of the James A. McAlister Funeral Home, 1620 Savannah Hwy., Charleston, SC 29407. The family will receive friends on Thursday between the hours of 5:00 and 6:30, and immediately following the service. Deacon James Moore of Blessed Sacrament Catholic Church will officiate. Burial will be private. In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions for an educational trust fund for his granddaughters will be accepted in David's honor.
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Johnson, Pharen
May 9, 2013
Pharen Johnson
May 9, 2013
Pharen Elaine Knabl Johnson entered into eternal rest on May 9, 2013. Beloved wife of the late Terry Allan Johnson. Dear mother of Jason Key-Smith of Michigan. Brian (Myra) Johnson of Australia, and Carie (Dan) Copeland of Missouri. Grandmother of Stephanie Key-Smith of Michigan, Nicholas and Nathan Copeland of Missouri. Daughter of the late George and Dorothy (Lindenmuth) Knabl. Little sister of George H. Knabl, Thom (Mary) Knabl, Julianne (Carl) Slater, all of Michigan. She is also survived by 2 nephews, 6 nieces, 5 great nieces, and 3 great nephews, numerous Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and wonderful friends. Pharen is also survived by Lesley Pearl. She was an Independent Tour Guide and full time Concierge at the Mills House Hotel until her retirement in 2010. Pharen was a member of Bethel United Methodist Church, where she was involved in the Inter-Faith Crisis Ministries Soup Kitchen, Campus Ministries, Missions Committee, and Kairos Prison Ministries. She was a member of the Kendrick-Rodgers Circle and past president of Bethel United Methodist Women's Society. Pharen was one of the founding members of the Charleston Tour Association and recording secretary for the first 2 years. She was past president of Friends of the Old Exchange Building. Pharen was a member of Charleston Preservation Society, the South Carolina Historical Society, the Charleston Library Society, the Ladies Benevolent Society, and the Society of Low Country Investigators, Under Cover. She was the Organizing Regent of the Eliza Lucas Pinckney Chapter, National Society Daughters of the American Revolution. Pharen was recognized as the 2007 Outstanding Regent of South Carolina's District Six. Pharen served as State Chairman for Conservation and State Chairman for Americanism. She was voted Honorary Chapter Regent for Life by the Eliza Lucas Pinckney chapter, NSDAR. The relatives and friends of Mrs. Pharen E. Johnson are invited to attend her Funeral Service at 2:00 PM, Sunday, May 12, 2013 at Bethel United Methodist Church. The burial will be private. The family will receive friends today, Saturday, May 11, 2013 from 3:00 PM until 5:00 PM at the James A. McAlister Funeral Home, 1620 Savannah Highway. Pharen's guestbook can be signed at www.jamesamcalister.com. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to Bethel United Methodist Church, 57 Pitt St., Charleston SC, 29401, or Tamassee DAR School, P.O. Box 8 Tamassee, SC 29686. Arrangements by JAMES A. MCALISTER Funerals & Cremation. 766-1365.
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Derrick, Sr., Elbridge
May 6, 2013
Elbridge Derrick, Sr.
May 6, 2013
Elbridge Lamar Derrick Sr. Charleston - Elbridge Lamar Derrick Sr., 98, died Monday morning, May 6, 2013. Born January 22, 1915 in Richland County, SC, he was the son of Rev. Theodore Elbridge Derrick and Susan Bauknight Derrick. He spent his early years in several lowcountry towns, moving with his family as required by the Methodist minister's itinerant system. Mr. Derrick married the sweetheart of his life, Frances Austin Derrick, on June 23, 1940. He served in the United States Army, WWII, from 7 December 1944 through 26 May 1946. He began his career as a retail merchant with JC Penney then joined the Belk Company. He retired from Belk in 1977. His favorite activities were fishing, camping at the lake, and working in his yard. He taught his children and grandchildren to love and appreciate nature. He was the greatest storyteller in his family and many tales were told over the years. Surviving are two sons, Elbridge Lamar Derrick Jr. and Samuel Theodore Derrick; two daughters, Carolyn Frances Maier (Loran) and Susan Terry Beach (Jim); seven grandchildren, Jay, Greg, Brian, Michael, Jenni, Sammy, and Austin. He is also survived by four great-grandchildren, Rebecca, Savannah, Shelby, and Jack. Also surviving are his sister-in-laws, Coleen Derrick and Enid Derrick. He was predeceased by sisters, Dorothy D. Thomas, Clelia Hendrix, Virginia McCormack, Esther D. Britt, and brothers Calvin Derrick and Theodore Derrick. The relatives and friends of Elbridge L. Derrick, Sr. are invited to attend his Funeral Service at 1:00 PM, Friday, May 10, 2013, at the James A. McAlister Chapel, 1620 Savannah Highway. Burial will be private. In lieu of flowers, memorials may be made to East Cooper Meals on Wheels, 2304 N. Highway 17, Mt. Pleasant, SC 29464 or Hospice of Charleston, 676 Wando Park Blvd., Mt. Pleasant, SC 29464.
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Towles, Mildred
May 3, 2013
Mildred Towles
May 3, 2013
Mildred Katherine Essick Towles, 84, of Charleston, South Carolina, passed away on Friday, May 3, 2013, at her home. Mildred was the daughter of Julie Kraft Essick and Harry Charles Essick. She was born May 9, 1928. Mildred graduated from Memminger High School. She worked for the Charleston Naval Shipyard as a data processor. Mildred is survived by three children: Jay and Cathy Towles, Steven Winfield Towles, Anna Catherine Towles; three granddaughters: Julie Elaine Towles Boland, Julianna Catherine Owens, Katherine Ellen Owens Mills; three great grandchildren: Alex Blum, Ethan Tuttle, Kylianna Payton Kessinger; her sister Jean Essick Bryson and her husband Otis, and numerous nieces and nephews. She is loved and will be missed by many. The relatives and friends of Mildred E. Towles are invited to attend her Funeral Service at 11:00 AM, Friday, May 10, 2013, at St. John's Parish Church, John's Island, SC. Burial will follow in the Churchyard. In lieu of flowers, memorials may be made to the American Cancer Society, 269 Calhoun Street, Charleston, SC 29401.
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Ladig, Helen
April 29, 2013
Helen Ladig
April 29, 2013
No biographical information has been entered for Helen Ladig.
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Hostetter, Jr., Theodore
April 28, 2013
Theodore Hostetter, Jr.
April 28, 2013
Theodore L. Hostetter passed away Sunday, April 28, 2013, at his home. Ted was the son of Theodore Leroy Hostetter and Virginia O'Brien Hostetter. He was born in Charleston, May 31, 1946. Ted graduated from Bishop England High School and the University of South Carolina, which he attended on a full scholarship. He was commissioned in the United States Navy and served aboard the attack carrier USS Wasp during its recovery of the Gemini Astronauts. After his service in the U.S. Navy, Ted graduated from the University of South Carolina School of Law and was admitted to practice in 1975. After several years of general practice, he started his own firm specializing in residential real estate transactions. His colleagues often referred to him as the "Dean of the Real Estate Bar." Ted frequently devoted his time to assisting young lawyers beginning their practices. Ted grew up on the playgrounds of Charleston, and as a young boy was affectionately known - for many reasons - as "Terrible Ted." His love for baseball was evident from his days playing the game at Moultrie Playground and his envy of the Heiterer twins who were the batboys for the Charleston Rebels. As an adult, he was an avid supporter of the Riverdogs. His friends at Bishop England knew him as a bright and carefree friend with a great interest in science and meteorology. He was a champion hurricane tracker without benefit of radar and knew a great deal about most national geographic subjects. He loved to travel, especially to Italy where he hoped to spend more time when he retired. He was well read and could be counted on to spark spirited dinner conversations. His niece and nephews relished his Thanksgiving and Christmas visits for the greatly enjoyed and lengthy dinner conversations. Ted loved his community, and was extremely proud of Charleston and all its progress. He served on several volunteer boards, most recently the Florence Crittenton Residential Program, and he was very involved with the Roper Saint Francis Foundation, serving on the Roper Saint Francis Board of Visitors. Ted was also a devoted naturalist. He loved to sit on his deck and gaze across the Ashley River to the serene vistas of Magnolia and Middleton Plantations. His was a life well lived with many friends and no enemies. He was full of love and loyalty for his friends and family. He will be missed by all who knew him. Ted is survived by his wife Daneille Hostetter and his sister Katherine Hostetter Duffy and her husband, Michael. He also is survived by a niece Katherine Duffy Dueholm and nephews Patrick Michael Duffy, Jr and Brian Cantwell Duffy. The relatives and friends of Mr. Theodore L. Hostetter, Jr. are invited to attend his Funeral Service at 10:30 AM, Friday, May 3, 2013, at the James A. McAlister Chapel. The Rite of Committal will follow at Holy Cross Cemetery. The family will receive friends from 4:00 PM until 7:00 PM this Thursday at the James A. McAlister Funeral Home, 1620 Savannah Highway. Memorials would be appreciated at Florence Crittenton Residential Program,19 St. Margaret St. Charleston, SC 29403 or the Roper St. Francis Foundation, 60 Barre St. Charleston, SC 29401.
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Pitts, Mayme
April 28, 2013
Mayme Pitts
April 28, 2013
Mayme Platt Pitts, 97, wife of the late Joseph L. Pitts, Sr. passed away Sunday, April 28, 2013 at Hospice of Charleston. Mayme was born on November 15, 1915, in Meggett, SC., a daughter of Pinckney Elias and Mary Davis Platt. Mayme was a 1931 graduate of Memminger High School. She loved to bowl and was an avid bridge player. Mayme was preceded in death by her husband JL (Jack) Pitts, Sr. her son, Robert A. Pitts and her three sisters, VerLeatha Busick, Lillian Hoppman and Pearl Forrest. Mayme is survived by her son JL (Jack) Pitts, Jr., (Virginia) and daughter, Cheryl P. Clair (Billy). Grandchildren include Michael K. Pitts (Jan), Kelly P. Duggan (James), Sean J. Pitts (Sharon), Ashley C. Linder (David), W.R. Clair, IV (Angela), Amy C. Kofke (Cameron), Mark J. Clair (Jennifer) and Sarah Lynn Pitts. She is also survived by sixteen great-grandchildren. The relatives and friends of Mayme Platt Pitts are invited to attend her Mass of Christian Burial at 11:00 AM, Thursday, May 2, 2013, at Blessed Sacrament Catholic Church. The Rite of Committal will follow in Live Oak Memorial Gardens. The family will receive friends from 5:00 PM until 7:00 PM, with a Vigil Service at 6:45 PM, this Wednesday evening at the James A. McAlister Funeral Home, 1620 Savannah Highway. Mayme's guestbook may be signed online at www.jamesamcalister.com. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to Hospice of Charleston, 676 Wando Park Blvd., Mt. Pleasant, SC 29464 or Blessed Sacrament Adoration Fund, 5 Teresa Drive, Charleston, SC 29407. Arrangements by JAMES A. MCALISTER Funerals & Cremation 766-1365
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Leifeld, Judy
April 26, 2013
Judy Leifeld
April 26, 2013
Charleston, SC - Ms. Judy B. Leifeld, age 65, passed away April 26, 2013, in Tampa, Florida. A native of Spruce Pine, NC, she was the daughter of the late Brown Edley and Zola Pitman Buchanan. Mrs. Leifeld was retired from the United States Post Office, where she served as a Data Entry Clerk. She was perhaps best-known by Charlestonians as a founder of Captain Don's Seafood. A sweet and loving woman, she was especially proud of her grandchildren, and was known as someone who would do anything to help others. She is survived by 3 children: Donald W. Leifeld of Charleston, SC, Ronald D. Leifeld of Kansas, & Lynette "Sissy" Holsapple of Charleston, SC; 5 Grandchildren: Heather Nienke, Jessica Leifeld, Amanda Mitchum, Jared Leifeld, and Miranda Mitchum; 2 sisters, Billie Westerman, Florida, and Jo Edge, North Carolina, and a host of nieces and nephews. She was preceded in death by her grandson, BIlly Mitchum, and her brother, Jack Buchanan. The relatives and friends of Ms. Judy Leifeld are invited to attend her funeral service at 11:00 AM Wednesday, May 1, 2013, from the chapel of James A. McAlister Funeral Home. Interment will follow at Christ-St. Paul Cemetery in Hollywood. The family will receive friends between 6:00 & 8:00 PM Tuesday, April 30, 2013. Flowers will be accepted.
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Lambert, Margaret
April 25, 2013
Margaret Lambert
April 25, 2013
Margaret Karchner Lambert, 80, of St. George, passed away Thursday, April 25, 2013. Margaret was born in Charleston on September 4, 1932, a daughter of the late George S. and Mary O'Connor Karchner. She attended Bishop England High School and was a homemaker. Mrs. Lambert is survived by her son, John Lambert and wife Tammy of Walterboro, SC; daughter, Frances Lambert of Ohio; grandchildren, Christopher and Elizabeth Lambert; great-grandson, Lucas A. Lambert; sister, Mary Elizabeth "Betty" Limehouse and several nieces and nephews. She was predeceased by her sister, Theresa Karchner Overton. The relatives and friends of Margaret Karchner Lambert are invited to attend Funeral Service at 11:30 am Tuesday, April 30, 2013, from the Chapel of James A. McAlister Funeral Home. The Rite of Committal will follow at Holy Cross Cemetery. The family will receive friends one hour prior to the service. Flowers are accepted or donations may be made in her name to Charleston Animal Society, 2455 Remount Road, North Charleston, SC 29406.
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Kinard, Brenda
April 24, 2013
Brenda Kinard
April 24, 2013
Brenda Marie Rumph Kinard, 56, of Charleston, beautiful, beloved, wife and high school sweetheart of Paul J. Kinard entered the Kingdom of God on Wednesday, April 24, 2013. Brenda was born in Charleston on Monday, October 15, 1956, daughter of Nathalie Sanders Rumph and the late Harry Legare Rumph, Jr. Brenda graduated from Sacred Heart Catholic School, Bishop England High School and Rice Business College. She began her career as a medical transcriptionist for Dr. Paulling. Upon marriage Brenda wanted a large family like the one in which she was raised. After the birth of her first child, Brian, she found that she could not bear to leave him at daycare so she started her own daycare business in her home. She was fondly known as "Miss Brenda" to many. Brenda was a true servant of Christ and touched many people's lives. She took care of children in her home for 28 years and later served as a Eucharistic Minister in her parish, Blessed Sacrament. She also followed in Sister Jean Marie's footsteps administering Holy Communion to the sick and elderly in nursing homes and hospitals. Brenda was a fabulous cook and enjoyed baking with her children and grandchildren. One of her greatest joys was vacationing with her family and the memories created will never be forgotten. She loved and cared for all of God's creatures. She brought joy to everyone and everything she touched. She will be missed by all who knew and loved her together with her husband, Paul, of 34 years, her four children, Brian Paul Kinard, his wife, Kellie, Laura Kinard Tregner, her hsband, Thomas and their children John Paul and Ethan; Katherine Kinard Davis her husband, Andrew and Andrew Michael Kinard; her mother, Nathalie Sanders Rumph; her sisters, Cheryl Rollins her husband, Harry, Darlene Joye and Suzanne Bean, her husband, Miles, and numerous nieces and nephews. The relatives and friends of Mr. and Mrs. Paul J. Kinard are invited to attend her Mass of Christian Burial at 11:00 AM, Monday, April 29, 2013, at Blessed Sacrament Catholic Church. The Rite of Committal will follow in Riverview Memorial Park. The family will receive friends from 4:00 PM until 7:00 PM, with the Rosary to be recited at 6:45 PM, this Sunday, at the James A. McAlister Funeral Home, 1620 Savannah Highway. Brenda's guestbook may be signed online at www.jamesamcalister.com. In addition to flowers the family has respectfully requested that memorial contributions be directed in her memory to Pet Helpers, 1447 Folly Road, Charleston, SC 29412. Arrangements by JAMES A. MCALISTER Funerals & Cremation. 766-1365.
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Planning a Funeral
Most of us are not prepared to plan and carry out a funeral ceremony for someone we love. And so much of the information available on this critically important subject fails to focus on what is most important: having a personalized, meaningful funeral that helps families and friends begin the healing process of mourning after the death of someone we love.
This section includes information that will help provide insights necessary to help you and your family create a meaningful funeral experience that both honors the life of your loved one and starts you on the path to healing from your loss. Some of the content on these pages is adapted from a website called www.MeaningfulFunerals.com and the teachings of Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a noted grief expert.
To learn more about Dr. Wolfelt, please visit www.centerforloss.com
Our funeral home's dedicated staff wants to help you and can play a critical role in planning and carrying out a meaningful funeral or memorial service. Our licensed funeral directors are intimately familiar with the funeral planning process, key decisions a grieving family must make, and necessary legal documentation that is required during this difficult time. Our funeral professionals can handle all of the details and help you create a unique service that fits your needs and values.
For more information, please select from the links below:
Meaningful Funerals
"You can have the experience and miss the meaning."
- T.S. Elliott
Meaningful Funerals
Meaningful funeral ceremonies make a significant difference in how families channel their grief toward health and healing. During the funeral, the community comes together and responds to the reality that someone has died, and also to the reality that those remaining will need support, compassion, love, hope, and understanding. The funeral encourages you to think about the person who has died and to explore the meaning of their life and the ways in which they touched the lives of others.
The remembering, reflecting and choices that take place in the planning and conducting of the funeral service are often an important part of the process of grief and mourning. And ultimately, this process of contemplation and discovery creates a memorable and moving funeral experience for all who attend.
Why Have a Funeral?
When we experience the death of someone we love, a funeral service fills several important needs. First, it provides for the dignified and respectful care of the person and special tribute to their life. Equally important, the funeral service helps survivors face the reality of death, which is the first big step toward taking grief from the inside and allowing us to express it on the outside through mourning. Together, close friends and relatives can lend support and consolation when they're needed most.
Learn more at MeaningfulFunerals.com
What Makes a Funeral Meaningful?
No matter what kind of funeral ceremony you are planning, it helps to understand the components of a meaningful funeral. Meaningful funerals are made up of different parts that, when combined together, make for an incredibly emotional experience for you, your family and friends.
Meaningful Choices
Helping You and Your Family Create a Meaningful FuneralThis is a naturally difficult time, compounded by the fact that you are faced with many decisions that must be made as you begin to plan the funeral. You may feel overwhelmed by these decisions. When you are able to make informed choices, you are empowered with the important information needed to plan a meaningful funeral.
This is not the time to deny your need to mourn and embrace painful feelings of grief in the coming days. You may feel deep sadness as you plan this funeral and begin to acknowledge the reality that someone who you love has died. But when all is said and done, you will feel deep satisfaction that you helped plan a meaningful tribute or ceremony for someone who meant so much to your own life, and you will be on the path to a healthy grieving process.
Making Informed Funeral Choices
After selecting a funeral home, you and your family will choose the type of funeral service to hold, what will happen to the body and where it will be laid to rest. How a body will be cared for after death is an important decision. Whether you choose burial or cremation, you can use elements of ceremony to honor the life of your loved one and to allow you and your family to say goodbye in a meaningful way.
Key Choices
Key Choices Needed to be Made for a Meaningful Funeral As you begin to think about the funeral and the many options you have, you may be faced with the conflict of honoring the wishes of the person who died as well as your own wishes as survivors. While it is natural to want to meet the requests of the person who died, do consider changes that will be helpful to you, your family and friends. Begin a Family ConversationIt is often helpful to have a family conversation before going to see a funeral director. This can be a time for expressing your grief together as well as a time for some initial decision-making. Try as best you can to include everyone in the discussion. No one should feel left out.
The Arrangement ConferenceYou may have already scheduled a time to meet with your funeral director to help you plan the funeral. This meeting is called the “arrangement conference.” During the arrangement conference, the funeral director will explain all of the choices available to you and your family, help you make decisions to create your unique funeral, and gather important information about the person who died to complete necessary documents. Above all else, the funeral director will assist you in both arranging for and carrying out a meaningful funeral.
What Kind of Funeral Service Will You Have?You can choose from a variety of funeral service types and formats. Some people think funerals must conform to traditional ways, but there is no one right way to have a funeral. Just as grief has many dimensions and is experienced in different ways by different people, funerals are also unique. A funeral should simply be fitting for the person who died and the family and friends who survive them. This is an opportunity to be creative and to share an honest expression of your most heartfelt values. There are no rigid rules that need to be followed, but there are guidelines that can help you if you are unsure how you might proceed.
Burial Considerations
Planning a meaningful funeral for a loved one is a ritual that almost all of us will encounter at some point in our lives. As you consider the various aspects of a funeral where burial is the final disposition, there are several elements that you can and will need to select in order to create a touching tribute for your loved one. These things will also provide comfort to those who are living as you pay your final respects.
Service and Ceremony
Service and CeremonyChoosing Burial
Planning a meaningful funeral for a loved one is a ritual that almost all of us will encounter at some point in our lives. As you consider the various aspects of a funeral where burial is the final disposition, there are several elements that you can and will need to select in order to create a touching tribute for your loved one. These things will also provide comfort to those who are living as you pay your final respects.
The Burial Committal ServiceWhen burial is chosen, the graveside ceremony is the final opportunity to say goodbye. Accompanying a body to its final resting place and saying a few last words brings a necessary feeling of closure to the funeral process. Families are often deeply touched by this ceremony, and its memory resonates for years. A meaningful committal service not only helps us acknowledge the reality and finality of the death, it also symbolizes the separation that the death has created. It is an essential ingredient of a meaningful funeral experience.
Direct BurialA direct burial is when there is no funeral service, but instead simply final disposition of the body by the funeral home.
A word from Dr. Alan Wolfelt
If you are considering direct burial, I plead with you to reconsider. Honoring the life and death of the person who died with some sort of ceremony - no matter how brief, how small or how informal - will help your family acknowledge the reality of the death and begin to heal. When no ceremony is held, it is as if the life and death of the person who died had no significance to anyone. Also keep in mind that you may still hold a committal service at the gravesite should you choose direct burial.
Think carefully about the many options available to you and your family. Slow down and plan. It is through planning that a meaningful funeral experience is created. And do remember that funeral directors, clergy, celebrants and close friends who have done these things before can all be valuable resources to you. You are not alone!
Burial Products and Personalization
Burial Products and PersonalizationCaskets
Casket Choices
The casket typically becomes the visual and emotional focal point of the funeral service, and just as important, serves as the final resting place for your loved one. The casket you choose can be more than just a burial vessel - it can become a touching reminder of all that made your loved one special. When selecting a casket, the first decision is typically the casket material - wood or metal.
The casket material chosen is often selected because it reflects the personality of your loved one. Wood is traditionally valued for its warmth and natural beauty, while metal is treasured for its strength, durability and elegance. Various factors impact the value of the finished product, including the species of wood or type of metal. Additional considerations include the design of the casket such as shape, color, interior fabric and hardware. Each of these can make a statement about the beloved individual, as can the features that allow you to create personal tributes to your loved one. These choices affect the overall appearance of the casket, as well as its value.
Metal Caskets
Metal CasketsMetal caskets, including those made from bronze, copper, stainless steel and steel, are known for their unique finishes. Bronze and copper are among the most durable and beautiful of metals; both are naturally non-rusting. Stainless and carbon steel caskets come in a variety of grades, gauges, styles and finishes. Many metal caskets contain features that help resist the entrance of outside elements.
Bronze & Copper CasketsBronze and Copper caskets combine quality construction and beautiful finishes. Many families choose these materials because they are superior to all other casket materials in strength, durability and naturally non-rusting qualities. Tools, ornaments and other artifacts from these materials can be seen in museums dating back as far as 5,000 years. A wide variety of styles, colors and features in bronze and copper are available, allowing you to select a casket that is suited to individual preferences.
Stainless SteelStainless steel is known for its quality and longevity, making it a valued material for casket construction. It is available in different grades, which are determined by the amount of chromium and nickel content — the higher the content, the higher the quality and strength of the steel and its corrosion-resistant qualities.
Carbon SteelCarbon steel caskets are available in multiple grades, for example (from thickest to thinnest): 16 gauge, 18 gauge and 20 gauge. While not as durable or resistant to corrosion as stainless steel, copper or bronze, a wide selection of colors, finishes and personalization features make these caskets an attractive choice.
Wood Caskets
Wood CasketsHardwood caskets include a variety of species: mahogany, walnut, cherry, sycamore, maple, oak, pecan, select hardwood and pine. Families who choose these caskets appreciate the qualities of natural wood. The warmth, beauty and personality it brings to fine furniture is also well suited for the construction of caskets. Some wood caskets are manufactured from solid specie wood, and others are constructed with high-quality veneers.
MahoganyMahogany is used extensively for high-grade furniture and cabinetry. It has a well-earned reputation because of its attractive grain pattern and beautiful natural luster.
WalnutConsidered a wood of beauty, walnut boasts a striking grain color and pattern. Walnut is warm and inviting, dignified and elegant, and engenders a pride of ownership. Having a natural lustrous patina, walnut is also known for its strength and durability.
CherryCherry is one of the most popular hardwoods. Because of its strength and stability, cherry is often used for burial caskets, paneling and gun stocks. Its rich, warm look and creamy, reddish color make it attractive.
MapleMaple is valued for its strength, wear resistance and beauty, making it a popular choice for flooring, especially for heavily trafficked areas such as a ballroom. But it's also a popular material used in making caskets. Maple is evenly textured with a natural luster. While the grain is usually straight, it can also be wavy or curly.
PecanPrized for the delicious pecan nut, pecan trees also produce a strong and heavy hardwood. Pecan is light in color and is often found in the construction of beautiful furniture and architectural paneling.
OakOak is a popular furniture and flooring favorite. This durable wood is used for doors, paneling, home furnishings and caskets. Oak has a prominent grain pattern that can be either tight or coarse, depending on the species.
PinePine has been popular since colonial times. There are nearly 100 species of pine, ranging in color from pale yellow to light brown. Though not technically classified as a “hardwood,” it is considered to be a durable wood, usually straight grained with an even texture.
HardwoodHardwood is a cost effective, yet attractive, solid wood product made from select wood species including poplar and cottonwood.
VeneerVeneering has been a standard in the fine furniture industry for more than 50 years. Veneered wood caskets incorporate quality craftsmanship with premium wood veneers and engineered wood composites that create a look and finish of warmth and beauty that many families are drawn to with solid wood caskets.
Personalize with Burial Casket Features
Specially designed features are available with many caskets today, and serve as another visual way to create an impactful and emotional expression during the service. There are numerous features and flexible ways to personalize a casket that reflect the personality and interests of your loved one. One such feature incorporates artistic designs that can pay tribute to an individual's life of service, passions and interests. These designs can be attached to the corners of many different types of caskets. Another unique feature available on select caskets is a special drawer where you can display cherished mementos during the service and place private farewell messages that can then remain in the casket with your loved one at their final resting place.
Several unique panel designs for the lid of the casket are also available, and each one offers its own dignified approach to serve as a special place and focal point for families to recall a life story and highlight the personal facets that made their loved one special. There are select caskets with panels that allow you to display artistically crafted medallions that can serve as a visual eulogy, allowing you to highlight the most meaningful roles and relationships of your loved one's life.
Some caskets include a pleated panel that enables you to display cherished photos and personal mementos near your loved one. Insertable panels are also available that include embroidered designs with tributes focused on relationships, service, passions and interests. In some cases, you can design or customize your own embroidered panel if standard offerings do not deliver that final personal touch. Some of the same embroidery designs can also be applied to other casket interiors, such as the casket overthrow or pillow.
Burial Casket Features that Encourage RemembranceMany of the designs and features used with the casket can also serve as personal memorial keepsakes, such as the medallions or corner designs. In order to allow healing to begin, it's important to accept that the everyday relationship with the loved one has moved from physical reality to memory. Many people find it helpful to have tangible reminders of their loved one, including items and symbols that relate to the final celebration of life. Keepsakes of various types, such as medallions, can also be engraved with the loved one's name and dates, or special designs that create even more meaningful and touching remembrances for current and future generations.
Ask your funeral director for more information on what is available to help personalize and encourage remembrance during the funeral of your loved one. They can guide you through the selection process and help you make informed choices.
Remembrance JewelryDesigned to hold a lock of hair, flower petals, earth from the gravesite or a small portion of cremated remains, keepsake jewelry is a unique way to hold a loved one close with a fashionable and lasting remembrance.
Burial VaultsBurial Vault Choices
Burial vaults are lined units that enclose the casket when it is placed at the gravesite and are designed to prevent the weight of soil and heavy equipment from damaging the casket. There are no laws that require the use of outer containers, but cemeteries often require their use, as it reduces the chance that soil over the grave will settle and helps with general gravesite maintenance and appearance.
Burial vaults are available in a variety of materials including metal, concrete and composite materials.
Unlined Outer Burial ContainerUnlined outer burial containers, or grave liners, are usually constructed of wood or concrete and may improve the appearance of the grave. These products provide a barrier that keeps soil and debris away from the casket during the closing of the grave. Some grave liners also provide structural protection from the weight of soil and heavy equipment. As these products are unlined, they provide no protection to the casket from soil and/or water making their way past the outer container unit.
Metal VaultMetal vaults are available in a variety of materials, including bronze, copper, stainless steel, galvanized and aluminum. These two-piece enclosures offer protection from the weight of soil and cemetery equipment, as well as keep the elements away from the casket. Some metal vaults feature beautiful ornamental details and can be personalized to honor your loved one.
Concrete VaultConcrete vaults are outer closures that provide structural protection from the weight of soil and heavy equipment and offer additional protection from soil reaching the casket. Concrete vaults are available in many styles including undecorated concrete finishes, metal wrapped tops and interiors, and simulated wood grain or natural stone finishes. Concrete vaults can typically weigh more than 2,000 pounds and can require additional costs for transport and placement.
Polymer VaultBurial vaults constructed of non-porous polyethylene and polypropylene material provide the benefits of being lightweight, impact-resistant and water-resistant. Polymer vaults can be constructed in multiple layers for added strength and durability. Their ease of handling also reduces cemetery labor costs and the need for heavy equipment during transportation and gravesite placement. Vault styles are available that can be personalized to help honor your loved one.
The Living Memorial ProgramBatesville's Living Memorial® Program is a unique and special way to honor the memory of a loved one. When you select a Batesville® burial product or an Options® cremation product, arrangements are made for a tree seedling to be planted as a living tribute - at no additional cost to you.
Seedlings are planted in national forests in cooperation with the U.S. Forest Service, The Canadian Forestry Association, The Grand River Conservation Foundation, and other international organizations to re-establish woodlands destroyed by forest fires, blight and other natural disasters. You will receive a special letter that verifies a tree has been planted where the need is greatest.
Cemetery Space, Monuments and Grave Markers
Cemetery Space, Monuments and Grave MarkersCemetery Space
Perhaps your family already owns a cemetery plot where the person who has died will be buried. If not, maybe you've noticed a nice local cemetery. Your funeral director will know which cemeteries are nearby and can help you purchase cemetery plots appropriate for your needs.
Traditionally, families have chosen to bury their loved ones in a cemetery. Entombment, which is the placement of the casketed body in an above-ground structure called a mausoleum, also takes place at a cemetery. When a casket is entombed, it is placed in an enclosure (called a crypt), and the front is usually sealed and faced with either marble or granite.
Many families choose burial or entombment at a nearby cemetery because it allows them to visit the gravesite as often as they like. This helps them continue to feel close to the person who died, while still acknowledging the death.
Because so many aspects should be considered when purchasing a cemetery plot, you may want to consider discussing the options in advance. Questions you may want to consider include:
- Does the plot meet my religious requirements?
- Are there any restrictions I need to consider based on the type of monument or burial vault?
- Does the plot include perpetual care and maintenance?
- Are plots available in the same location to provide for burial of the entire family?
Also called headstones, grave markers are used in cemeteries to memorialize and identify the gravesite of the person who has died. You may want to personalize the grave marker by including a poem, a drawing or a short phrase that defines the person who died.
Monuments and grave markers are available in a variety of materials, including natural stone, concrete and bronze. Styles can range from very simple to ornate, as single markers or companion monuments.
Sharing Memories
Sharing MemeoriesMemorial Websites
When someone we love dies, we often feel the need to share their story and the story of our loss with family, friends and our extended communities. A recent trend has been to memorialize loved ones by creating a website that honors their memory and mourns the loss.
The website can be created to house online video tributes and even guestbook memories collected at the funeral from family and friends. Some funeral homes offer this as a service, or you may be technologically savvy enough to build your own. Your imagination is your only limit to sharing memories and honoring your loved one.
Keepsake BooksFriends and relatives often share memories, stories, photos and condolences in guest books, both at the funeral and on the funeral home's website. At the funeral, invite people to write down a memory of the person who died. Ask children if they would like to write a letter or draw a picture for the person. Their “goodbyes” can then be saved for the keepsake book or even placed in the casket alongside the body. Many funeral homes offer keepsake book publishing services that collect and document these important memories.
Video TributesA video tribute is a unique way to personalize a memorial service - giving you and your family the opportunity to pause and reflect on the life of the person you knew and love. These touching montages can consist of music, photos, memorabilia, or newspaper articles that take viewers through the life of the person who has died.
Your video tribute can be played during the funeral service, during a visitation, or at any other time you and your funeral service professional decide upon. Many funeral homes can also post your video tribute to their website so that others can view it at any time. Tributes can also be made into DVDs or saved electronically for your family to keep. Your funeral home may offer this service or can recommend a local vendor who specializes in this area.
Cremation Considerations
When choosing cremation, it is important not only to capture the memories and celebrate the spirit of your loved one, but also to provide healing through gathering together, paying tribute and celebrating a life well lived.
Keep in mind that cremation does not limit your ability to spend time with the body of your loved one or hold a meaningful ceremony. You may have a visitation period and a funeral service prior to the cremation. Or your family may spend time privately with the body before cremation, followed by a public ceremony a day or two later with the urn present. You may want to consider keeping your loved one's body present for the funeral ceremony as it often encourages more expressions of grief and authentic mourning.
What Happens During Cremation
Cremation is another form of disposition or handling a body after death. However, many people don't know what happens during cremation.
Cremation takes place in a carefully maintained facility known as a crematory or crematorium. The funeral home may or may not have its own crematory on site, but your funeral director can take care of all arrangements either way.
Within the crematory is a special cremation chamber. The body is placed in a cremation container or casket and positioned inside the cremation chamber. Once the container or casket is in the cremation chamber, the door is tightly sealed. The operator then turns on gas jets, which create intense heat that reduces the body to bone fragments. This process takes approximately 2-3 hours.
After the cremation, the remains are collected and processed to the consistency of sand or a finer ash. The white or grayish remains, often called cremated remains at this stage, are then sealed in a transparent plastic bag along with an identification tag. The bag weighs about 5 lbs. and will often be returned to the family in a selected urn, which can then be buried, placed in a niche inside a columbarium, taken home or transported for scattering. Additionally, the cremated remains can be separated and placed into multiple urns, keepsakes or even jewelry specifically designed as a final resting place.
Cremation is a respectful, dignified process chosen by many families. However, some faiths discourage or prohibit cremation. If you plan to hold a religious funeral ceremony or have the remains buried in a church cemetery, check in advance to make sure there are no issues.
Service and Ceremony
Choosing CremationThis journey marks a new beginning; now is the most important time to come together and recount the fond memories that tell the story of your loved one. A variety of choices are available to create a loving memorial, bringing together family and friends for a final goodbye. Meaningful ceremonies with personalized memorials can be as unique as the loved one being remembered
When choosing cremation, the ceremony is a way to inform the community of a loved one's passing, tell their story and celebrate their life. A ceremony is most meaningful when it reflects your loved one's relationships, interests, and the moments you shared. Memorializing your loved one when choosing cremation may include one or any combination of the following options.
ConventionalFriends and family gather for a tribute prior to cremation, often with the decedent present, which draws support and allows family and friends to say goodbye.
MemorialThis gathering of friends and family following cremation often features the memorial urn as the ceremony's centerpiece and allows family and friends to recall memories and support one another.
PrivateA small gathering and informal family farewell takes place in a private setting and offers the chance to say goodbye, allowing family and friends to recall memories and support one another.
Direct CremationA direct cremation is when there is no funeral service or memorial service, but instead simply final disposition of the body by the funeral home or memorial society.
A word from Dr. Alan Wolfelt
If you are considering direct cremation, I plead with you to reconsider. Honoring the life and death of the person who died with some sort of ceremony - no matter how brief, how small or how informal - will help your family acknowledge the reality of the death and begin to heal. When no ceremony is held, it is as if the life and death of the person who died had no significance to anyone. Also keep in mind that you may still hold a committal service at the gravesite or crematory should you choose direct cremation.
Think carefully about the many options available to you and your family. Slow down and plan. It is through planning that a meaningful funeral experience is created. And do remember that funeral directors, clergy, celebrants and close friends who have done these things before can all be valuable resources to you. You are not alone!
Cremation Caskets and Containers
The selection of a cremation casket is just as important as the selection of the ceremony and will complement the tribute designed for the one being remembered. Before cremation, during the ceremony, and at the time of cremation, the casket or container is the resting place that gives dignity to your loved one. It may also be where you will see your loved one for the last time.
Cremation CasketCremation caskets are made of wood and available in a wide variety of styles that are suitable for services with a visitation, viewing or a gathering held prior to the cremation. The warmth, beauty and personality wood brings to fine furniture is well suited for the construction of caskets. Depending on your selection, cremation caskets can be personalized to fit your needs with accessories like custom tribute panels or custom embroidered interiors.
Wood Selections for Cremation Caskets
Hardwood caskets include a variety of species: mahogany, walnut, cherry, sycamore, maple, oak, pecan, select hardwood and pine. Families who choose these caskets appreciate the qualities of natural wood. The warmth, beauty and personality it brings to fine furniture is also well suited for the construction of caskets. Some wood caskets are manufactured from solid specie wood, and others are constructed with high-quality veneers.
MahoganyMahogany is used extensively for high-grade furniture and cabinetry. It has a well-earned reputation because of its attractive grain pattern and beautiful natural luster.
WalnutConsidered a wood of beauty, walnut boasts a striking grain color and pattern. Walnut is warm and inviting, dignified and elegant, and engenders a pride of ownership. Having a natural lustrous patina, walnut is also known for its strength and durability.
CherryCherry is one of the most popular hardwoods. Because of its strength and stability, cherry is often used for burial caskets, paneling and gun stocks. Its rich, warm look and creamy, reddish color make it attractive.
MapleMaple is valued for its strength, wear resistance and beauty, making it a popular choice for flooring, especially for heavily trafficked areas such as a ballroom. But it's also a popular material used in making caskets. Maple is evenly textured with a natural luster. While the grain is usually straight, it can also be wavy or curly.
PecanPrized for the delicious pecan nut, pecan trees also produce a strong and heavy hardwood. Pecan is light in color and is often found in the construction of beautiful furniture and architectural paneling.
OakOak is a popular furniture and flooring favorite. This durable wood is used for doors, paneling, home furnishings and caskets. Oak has a prominent grain pattern that can be either tight or coarse, depending on the species.
PinePine has been popular since colonial times. There are nearly 100 species of pine, ranging in color from pale yellow to light brown. Though not technically classified as a “hardwood,” it is considered to be a durable wood, usually straight grained with an even texture.
HardwoodHardwood is a cost effective, yet attractive, solid wood product made from select wood species including poplar and cottonwood.
VeneerVeneering has been a standard in the fine furniture industry for more than 50 years. Veneered wood caskets incorporate quality craftsmanship with premium wood veneers and engineered wood composites that create a look and finish of warmth and beauty that many families are drawn to with solid wood caskets.
In recent years, casket manufacturers have addressed the need for larger-sized caskets. Available in many of the same materials, colors, finishes and designs as in traditional-sized caskets, oversize caskets offer a more comfortable fit for your loved one when required.
Cremation ContainersCremation containers are made from both composite and solid wood components and are fully combustible. These are most appropriate when a private viewing has been scheduled.
Memorial Urns
Memorial Urn ChoicesThe urn or personalized memorial will become the final resting place for your loved one. The selection of the urn typically complements the final placement, whether buried in a cemetery, placed in a niche, or placed as a treasured touchstone in the home or garden. It can also become an ideal medium to facilitate ceremonial scattering. The urn or personal memorial you select will provide dignity, respect and a lasting tribute.
Final Placement ChoicesUrns are available in a wide variety of styles and materials. What's right for you will depend on your choice of final placement as well as personal tastes.
Burial
With the growing number of cremations, more families are choosing to bury the cremated remains of their loved ones as a way to provide a permanent place for future visitation. Many families choose burial or entombment at a nearby cemetery because it allows them to visit the gravesite as often as they like. This helps them continue to feel close to the person who died, while still acknowledging the death. Your funeral director will know which cemeteries are nearby and would best meet your needs. He or she can help you purchase cemetery plots appropriate to your needs.
Monuments and Grave MarkersAlso called headstones, grave markers are used in cemeteries to memorialize and identify the gravesite of the person who has died. To personalize the funeral service, you may want to personalize the grave marker. You can include a poem, a drawing or a short phrase that defines the person who died.
Monuments and grave markers are available in a variety of materials, including natural stone, concrete and bronze. Styles can range from very simple to very ornate, as single markers or companion monuments.
Cemetery PlotsCemetery Burial
Perhaps your family already owns a cemetery plot where the person who has died will be buried. If not, maybe you've noticed a nice local cemetery. Your funeral director will know which cemeteries are nearby and can help you purchase cemetery plots appropriate for your needs.
Traditionally, families have chosen to bury their loved ones in a cemetery. Entombment, which is the placement of the casketed body in an above-ground structure called a mausoleum, also takes place at a cemetery. When a casket is entombed, it is placed in an enclosure (called a crypt), and the front is usually sealed and faced with either marble or granite.
Many families choose burial or entombment at a nearby cemetery because it allows them to visit the gravesite as often as they like. This helps them continue to feel close to the person who died, while still acknowledging the death.
Because so many aspects should be considered when purchasing a cemetery plot, you may want to consider discussing the options in advance. Questions you may want to consider include:
- Does the plot meet my religious requirements?
- Are there any restrictions I need to consider based on the type of monument or burial vault?
- Does the plot include perpetual care and maintenance?
- Are plots available in the same location to provide for burial of the entire family?
Niche
A niche is a recessed compartment typically found in a columbarium or mausoleum to hold an urn. The niche may be open-front, protected by glass (this option allows viewing of the urn), or closed-front, faced with bronze, marble or granite. Generally, the urn containing the cremated remains is placed inside the niche and the front is sealed. Many urn styles can be placed in a niche.
Ceremonial Scattering
Complete or ceremonial scattering is a symbolic release of your loved one back into the world. This can be done in a variety of ways. Biodegradable urns made of unbleached pressed cotton can facilitate underground or water scattering. Some urns are designed for ceremonial scattering and are therefore lightweight, easy to open and safe to hold at multiple angles.
Home Display
You may want to memorialize your loved one in your home after cremation. Many urn styles provide a touching and discreet way to hold the memory of your loved one close. Urns are available in natural stone like marble, a variety of metals such as bronze and copper, and beautiful wood finishes like oak, cherry or mahogany. Cast acrylic and cast bronze statuary art urns are also available in a variety of styles. Products for memorials in the garden or landscape, including wind chimes, birdbaths and sundials, are also an option.
Personalizing and Customizing the Memorial
To add a heartfelt and individual touch, your loved one's personalized life story message can be applied throughout the ceremony or gathering, as well as to the container, memorial urn and keepsakes you choose. Smaller urns, keepsakes, and remembrance jewelry can be given to family members and close friends.
Urn Vaults
The urn or personalized memorial will become the final resting place for your loved one. The selection of the urn typically complements the final placement, whether buried in a cemetery, placed in a niche, or placed as a treasured touchstone in the home or garden. It can also become an ideal medium to facilitate ceremonial scattering. The urn or personal memorial you select will provide dignity, respect and a lasting tribute.
Urn vaults are lined units that enclose the urn when it is placed at the gravesite. They are designed to prevent the weight of soil and heavy equipment from damaging the urn and environmental protection. There are no laws that require the use of urn vaults, but cemeteries often require their use as they prevent the grave from settling and help with general gravesite maintenance and appearance.
Urn vaults are available in a variety of materials, including cultured granite, metal, concrete and composite materials or a combination of materials. Urn vault options also include a large selection of interiors, including smooth or textured finishes as well as fabric choices. Urn vault styles are available that can be personalized to help honor your loved one.
Sharing Memories
Memorial WebsitesWhen someone we love dies, we often feel the need to share their story and the story of our loss with family, friends and our extended communities. A recent trend has been to memorialize loved ones by creating a website that honors their memory and mourns the loss.
The website can be created to house online video tributes and even guestbook memories collected at the funeral from family and friends. Some funeral homes offer this as a service, or you may be technologically savvy enough to build your own. Your imagination is your only limit to sharing memories and honoring your loved one.
Keepsake BooksFriends and relatives often share memories, stories, photos and condolences in guest books, both at the funeral and on the funeral home's website. At the funeral, invite people to write down a memory of the person who died. Ask children if they would like to write a letter or draw a picture for the person. Their “goodbyes” can then be saved for the keepsake book or even placed in the casket alongside the body. Many funeral homes offer keepsake book publishing services that collect and document these important memories.
Video TributesA video tribute is a unique way to personalize a memorial service - giving you and your family the opportunity to pause and reflect on the life of the person you knew and love. These touching montages can consist of music, photos, memorabilia, or newspaper articles that take viewers through the life of the person who has died.
Your video tribute can be played during the funeral service, during a visitation, or at any other time you and your funeral service professional decide upon. Many funeral homes can also post your video tribute to their website so that others can view it at any time. Tributes can also be made into DVDs or saved electronically for your family to keep. Your funeral home may offer this service or can recommend a local vendor who specializes in this area.
Keepsakes & Remembrance Jewelry
Keepsake urns are smaller versions of full size urns and are manufactured to hold a small portion of cremated remains, a lock of hair or ceremonial flowers. Keepsake urns allow you to share your loved one's cremated remains with family and close friends.
Designed to hold a small portion of cremated remains, a lock of hair, flower petals, or earth from the gravesite, keepsake jewelry is a unique and elegant way to hold a loved one close with a fashionable and lasting remembrance. Available in men's and women's styles, consider selecting a matching piece for family members or friends to share a special and lasting bond.
Living Memorial
Batesville's Living Memorial® Program is a unique and special way to honor the memory of a loved one. When you select a Batesville® burial product or an Options® cremation product, arrangements are made for a tree seedling to be planted as a living tribute - at no additional cost to you.
Seedlings are planted in national forests in cooperation with the U.S. Forest Service, The Canadian Forestry Association, The Grand River Conservation Foundation, and other international organizations to re-establish woodlands destroyed by forest fires, blight and other natural disasters. You will receive a special letter that verifies a tree has been planted where the need is greatest.
Guides and Resources
When a loved one dies, grieving family members and friends are often confronted with dozens of decisions about the funeral.
This section is designed to give you an overview of frequently asked questions as well as provide additional support, grief resources and other important information that may help you at this difficult time.
FAQs to Planning a Meaningful Funeral
FAQs to Planning a Meaningful FuneralAs you and your family begin the funeral planning process, a number of questions will surface that you will need further insight on in order to make nformed decisions. Below please find a number of frequently asked questions and clarifications on misconceptions of funerals that may help you as you plan a meaningful funeral to honor the unique life of your loved one.
Why do I need to plan a funeral for my loved one?One of the most important reasons for planning a meaningful funeral is that it helps you and your family focus your thoughts and feelings on something positive. The funeral encourages you to think about the person who died and explore the meaning of their life and the ways in which they touched the lives of others.
The remembering, reflecting and choices that take place in the planning and conducting of the funeral service are often an important part of the process of grief and mourning. And ultimately, this process of contemplation and discovery creates a memorable and moving funeral experience for all who attend.
What makes a funeral meaningful?Meaningful funerals are made up of different parts (music, readings, visitation/reception, eulogy/remembrance memories, symbols, procession, committal service and gathering) that, when combined, make for an incredibly meaningful experience for you, your family and friends. Even among different faiths and cultures, funeral ceremonies throughout North America often include many of the same elements. Your faith or culture may have its own variations on these elements and you should be encouraged to follow them as you see fit.
Who should I turn to for help to plan a meaningful funeral?The funeral home and its staff play a critical role in the planning and conducting of a meaningful funeral. They are the people with the training and expertise you will rely on in the days leading up to the funeral. Their advice, compassion, attention to detail and willingness to personalize the ceremony will greatly influence your funeral experience.
What kind of funeral service should I have?You can choose from a variety of funeral service types and formats. Some people think that funerals must conform to traditional ways, but there is no one right way to have a funeral. Just as grief has many dimensions and is experienced in different ways by different people, funerals are also unique. A funeral should simply be fitting for the person who died and the family and friends who survive. This is an opportunity to be creative and to share an honest expression of your most heartfelt values. There are no rigid rules that need to be followed, but there are guidelines that can help you if you are unsure how you might proceed.
How do I ensure the funeral is personalized?The funeral service you plan should be as special as the life you will be remembering. Here are a few ideas:
- Write a personalized obituary.
- Create a column in the guest book for people to jot down a memory after they sign their name.
- Display personal items and hobby items on a table at the visitation.
- Show a DVD or slide show of the person's life during the funeral.
- Select flowers that were meaningful to the person who died.
- Use a lot of music, especially if music was meaningful to the person who died or means something to your family.
- At the funeral, invite people to write down a memory of the person who died. Appoint someone to gather and read the memories aloud.
- Create a personalized grave marker.
Your family must choose not only the type of funeral service to hold but also what will happen to the body and where it will be laid to rest.
Embalming is how the funeral home temporarily preserves the body of the person who died so it can be viewed by the family. Embalming also allows a number of days to elapse before burial and cremation, thus giving family and friends time to prepare and gather for the funeral.
The body of the person who died is the most important symbol to include in the funeral service. Whether present in an open or unopened casket, the body serves as the emotional focus for mourners and helps them acknowledge and embrace their pain. When a body or cremated remains are buried or scattered, there is a “place” for families to go when they want to feel close to their loved one.
Families who have spent time with the body have said it has helped them come to terms with the death and begin to transition from life before the death to life after the death. Although it can be emotionally painful, time spent with the body is often helpful to many people.
If my loved one is being cremated, what happens during cremation?Cremation is another form of disposition or handling a body after death. However, many people don't know what happens during cremation.
Cremation takes place in a carefully maintained facility known as a crematory or crematorium. The funeral home may or may not have its own crematory on site, but your funeral director can take care of all arrangements either way.
Within the crematory is a special cremation chamber. The body is placed in a cremation container or casket and positioned inside the cremation chamber. Once the container or casket is in the cremation chamber, the door is tightly sealed. The operator then turns on gas jets, which create intense heat that reduces the body to bone fragments. This process takes approximately 2-3 hours.
After the cremation, the remains are collected and processed to the consistency of sand or a finer ash. The white or grayish remains, often called cremated remains at this stage, are then sealed in a transparent plastic bag along with an identification tag. The bag weighs about 5 lbs. and will often be returned to the family in a selected urn, which can then be buried, placed in a niche inside a columbarium, taken home or transported for scattering. Additionally, the cremated remains can be separated and placed into multiple urns, keepsakes or even jewelry specifically designed as a final resting place.
Cremation is a respectful, dignified process chosen by many families. However, some faiths discourage or prohibit cremation. If you plan to hold a religious funeral ceremony or have the remains buried in a church cemetery, check in advance to make sure there are no issues.
Should I involve our children in the funeral?Most of the rituals in our society focus on children. Unfortunately, the funeral ritual, whose purpose is to help mourners begin to heal, is often not seen as a ritual for kids. Too often, children are not included in the funeral because adults want to protect them.
Funerals are painful, but children have the same rights and privileges to participate in them as adults do.
Here are ways to appropriately include children:
- Help explain the funeral to them - Tell children what will happen before, during and after the ceremony. Give as many specifics as they seem interested in hearing.
- If the body will be viewed either at a visitation or at the funeral itself, let the child know this in advance. Explain what the casket and body will look like. If the body is to be cremated, explain what cremation means and what will happen to the cremated remains.
- Find age-appropriate ways for children to take part in the funeral - grieving children feel included when they can share a favorite memory or read a special poem as part of the funeral. Shyer children can participate by lighting a candle or placing something special in the casket (a memento, a drawing, a letter or a photo).
- Understand that children often need to accept their grief in doses, and that outward signs of grief may come and go. It is not unusual, for example, for children to want to roughhouse with their cousins during the visitation or play video games right after the funeral. Respect the child's need to be a child during this extraordinarily difficult time.
Glossary of Funeral Terms
Glossary of Funeral TermsAs the planning begins, you may be introduced to new words and terms that are associated with the funeral planning process. We have provided a quick glossary for your reference.
- Arrangement conference - The meeting with the funeral director in which you discuss your wishes for the funeral and the disposition of the body
- Burial - Also called interment, earth burial at a cemetery is the most traditional method for final disposition of the body
- Celebrant - A person who provides personalized services to a family to create a meaningful ceremony or ritual during a life transition
- Columbarium - An above-ground structure for final disposition of cremated remains
- Committal service - A brief graveside ceremony held with the casket or urn present before it is lowered into the ground
- Cremation - A form of disposition that involves reducing the body through intense heat to cremated remains
- Crypt - An above ground burial site in a mausoleum
- Direct cremation - Cremation without a funeral or memorial service
- Embalming - A method of preserving the body for a number of days following the death, allowing the family to view the body and hold the funeral service on a day that is convenient for out-of-town friends and relatives
- Entombment - Placement of the casket in an above-ground structure called a mausoleum
- Funeral - The ceremony that honors the end of a person's life
- Grave liner - An unlined outer burial container
- Honorarium - The fee typically paid to a clergyperson or celebrant for officiating the funeral ceremony and to musicians or soloists for their contributions
- Mausoleum - A small building in a cemetery that is like a burial plot above the ground
- Niche - One of a number of recesses in the wall of a columbarium where the urn containing cremated remains is placed
- Obituary - A notice in the newspaper that announces the death to the community, summarizes the person's life and invites readers to attend the funeral and/or make memorial contributions in the name of the person who died
- Pallbearers - The people who carry the casket from the ceremony to the hearse and from the hearse to the gravesite
- Urn - A small vase-like container specially designed for holding cremated remains
- Vault - A concrete or metal container into which the casket is placed before burial at a cemetery
- Visitation - A scheduled time for family and friends to see the person who died, perhaps for the final time
Pre-Planning
PreplanningThe Advantages of Planning Ahead
The idea behind planning ahead is simple. One day, a great deal of vital information about you or a loved one will be needed by your family and anyone whose responsibility it is to assist them. Those who plan ahead can be assured that, not only will their personal wishes be fulfilled, but other unnecessary difficulties will be avoided.
Both you and your loved ones can benefit when funeral arrangements are made well ahead of need. It can be beneficial to include your immediate family in those plans, ensuring those left behind are aware of your wishes and able to plan a meaningful funeral that will help them begin their mourning. By discussing plans in advance, you can take all the time necessary to make decisions about cremation or burial, type of ceremony and other funeral elements.
You may want to discuss your thoughts and decisions with your family and a funeral service professional. The Meaningful Funerals Companion Guide can be used to capture your wishes and biographical information in advance. Upon completion, simply store it in a safe place with your other important documents.
Recommended Reading
Recommended ReadingMost of us are not prepared to plan and carry out a funeral ceremony for the death of someone we love. And so much of the information available on this critically important subject fails to focus on what is most important: having a personalized, meaningful funeral that helps families and friends begin mourning after the death of someone they love.
In addition to the information contained in this website, a list of recommended reading is provided below to help you understand your choices and allow you to plan the most meaningful funeral for your loved one.
Dr. Alan Wolfelt- Wolfelt, Alan, Creating Meaningful Funeral Ceremonies: A Guide for Caregivers, Fort Collins, Colorado: Companion Press, 2011
- Wolfelt, Alan,Creating Meaningful Funeral Ceremonies: A Guide for Families, Fort Collins, Colorado: Companion Press, 2011
- Wolfelt, Alan, The Journey through Grief: Reflections on Healing, Fort Collins, Colorado: Companion Press, 1996
- Wolfelt, Alan, Understanding Your Grief: Ten Essential Touchstones for Finding Hope and Healing Your Heart, Fort Collins, Colorado: Companion Press, 2003
Other Authors
- Fulghum, Robert, From Beginning to End: The Rituals of Our Lives, New York: Villard Books, 1995
- Long, Thomas G., Accompany Them With Singing: The Christian Funeral, Louisville, Kentucky: Westminster John Knox Press, 2009
- Metrick, S.B., Crossing the Bridge: Creating Ceremonies for Grieving and Healing from Life#8217;s Losses, Berkeley: Celestial Arts, 1994
- Noel, Brook and Pamela Blair, Ph.D., I Wasn#8217;t Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One, Milwaukee: Champion Press, 2008
- York, Sarah, Remembering Well: Rituals for Celebrating Life and Mourning Death, San Francisco: Jossey Bass, 2000
Recommended Links
Someone you loved has died. You are beginning a journey that is often frightening, painful and sometimes lonely. No words, written or spoken, can take away the pain you now feel.
The following organizations are additional sources of information, education and referral that may bring you some comfort and encouragement as you make a commitment to help yourself heal.
Funerals and Related Matters - National Organizations and Support Resources
- International Cemetery, Cremation & Funeral Association - http://www.iccfa.com
- Cremation Association of North America - info@cremationsassociations.org
- International Order of the Golden Rule - info@ogr.org
- National Funeral Directors Association - http://www.nfda.org
- Selected Independent Funeral Homes - http://www.selectedfuneralhomes.org
- Funeral Service Association of Canada - http://www.fsac.ca
National Self-Help Organizations and Support Groups
- AARP, Widowed Person's Services - http://www.aarp.org
Independent branches of this organization can be found by searching online for Widowed Persons Services and the name of your town and state. - American Association of Suicidology - http://suicidology.org
Information and resources; referrals to suicide survivor groups - Center for Loss and Life Transition - http://centerforloss.com
Resources, education and training, and referral for bereaved families; provides certificate program in Death and Grief studies for bereavement professionals - The Compassionate Friends - http://www.compassionatefriends.org
Information and resources for bereaved families who have experienced the death of a child - The Dougy Center - http://www.dougy.org
Information, education, referral and support for children and families; publishes a national directory of support programs for bereaved children - Share - http://nationalshare.org
Pregnancy and infant loss support - Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) - http://www.MADD.org
Education, resources and advocacy for bereaved families - Parents of Murdered Children, Inc - http://www.pomc.com
Information, resources and support for bereaved families - National Hospice and Palliative Care - http://www.nhpco.org
- National Institute of Mental Health Public Inquiries - http://www.nimh.nih.gov
Education and publications for families and professionals
Pre-Planning
Life Choices
Most of us plan ahead in life. We plan for our wedding, our children's education, family vacations, and other significant expected life events. We also plan for the unexpected events of life by purchasing home, auto and medical insurance.Understanding the benefits of pre-planning has prompted many to take the step to pre-plan their own arrangements.
Please call us at (843) 766-1365 to set up an appointment to discuss pre-planning with a caring professional.
Why Pre-Plan?
Peace of MindMany who have undergone the emotional strain of arranging a funeral within hours of losing a loved one have made the choice to pre-plan their own funeral. Doing so lifts the burden from their loved ones by relieving decision-making pressure at a time of grief and emotional stress.
Personal Choice
Funeral arrangements are a deeply personal choice. Pre-planning provides you with the time needed to make practical, detailed decisions that reflect your standards, lifestyle, taste and budget. And we assure you and your family that the choices you make will be carried out as planned.
Lower Costs
When you finalize your plan, we can advise you of the total cost. You do not have to set aside funds for your plan, but doing so protects you against escalating funeral costs. By locking in today's funeral costs and ensuring that the necessary funds are set aside, you help relieve yourself of unnecessary future worry and your survivors of an unexpected expense.
Immediate Arrangements
In Time of Need
We understand that making the many decisions which come at a time of loss can be difficult. We offer our support by providing you with options as you consider making immediate arrangements.
Please call us at (843) 766-1365 to make arrangements in person with a caring, professional Funeral Director.
Grief Support
Welcome to the Griefwords Online Library
Brought to you by the Center for Loss and Life Transition - Alan Wolfelt, Ph.D., Director
Helping Others with Grief
A friend has experienced the death of someone loved. How can you help? The following articles provide many practical suggestions for helping others with grief:
Helping a Friend in Grief
Helping a Grandparent Who is Grieving
Helping a Grieving Friend in the Workplace
Helping a Suicide Survivor Heal
Helping Your Family When a Member is Dying
Helping Yourself with Grief
Someone you love has died. You are now faced with the difficult, but important, need to mourn. Mourning is the open expression of your thoughts and feelings regarding the death and the person who died. It is an essential part of healing. The following articles provide many practical suggestions to help you move toward healing in your unique grief journey.
Mustering the Courage to Mourn
Love and Grief:
In Communion and Greater Than the Sum of Their Parts
Helping Yourself Heal When Someone Loved Dies
Will I Befriend My Feelings Or Will I Deny, Repress, Or Inhibit Them?
Helping Yourself Heal When Your Spouse Dies
Helping Yourself Heal When Your Child Dies
Helping Yourself Heal When Your Parent Dies
Helping Yourself Heal When a Baby Dies
Helping Yourself Heal During the Holiday Season
For and About Grieving Children and Teenagers
Children and teenagers have special needs following the death of a friend or family member. The following articles provide wonderful insight in helping children and teens understand and express their grief.
How to Talk to the Children and Teens in Your Life About the Newtown, CT Tragedy
Helping Infants and Toddlers Cope with Grief
Helping Children Cope With Grief
Helping Children with Funerals
Helping Teenagers Cope with Grief
Recommended Links
Someone you loved has died. You are beginning a journey that is often frightening, painful and sometimes lonely. No words, written or spoken, can take away the pain you now feel.
The following organizations are additional sources of information, education and referral that may bring you some comfort and encouragement as you make a commitment to help yourself heal.
Funerals and Related Matters - National Organizations and Support Resources
- International Cemetery, Cremation & Funeral Association - http://www.iccfa.com
- Cremation Association of North America - info@cremationsassociations.org
- International Order of the Golden Rule - info@ogr.org
- National Funeral Directors Association - http://www.nfda.org
- Selected Independent Funeral Homes - http://www.selectedfuneralhomes.org
- Funeral Service Association of Canada - http://www.fsac.ca
National Self-Help Organizations and Support Groups
- AARP, Widowed Person's Services - http://www.aarp.org
Independent branches of this organization can be found by searching online for Widowed Persons Services and the name of your town and state. - American Association of Suicidology - http://suicidology.org
Information and resources; referrals to suicide survivor groups - Center for Loss and Life Transition - http://centerforloss.com
Resources, education and training, and referral for bereaved families; provides certificate program in Death and Grief studies for bereavement professionals - The Compassionate Friends - http://www.compassionatefriends.org
Information and resources for bereaved families who have experienced the death of a child - The Dougy Center - http://www.dougy.org
Information, education, referral and support for children and families; publishes a national directory of support programs for bereaved children - Share - http://nationalshare.org
Pregnancy and infant loss support - Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) - http://www.MADD.org
Education, resources and advocacy for bereaved families - Parents of Murdered Children, Inc - http://www.pomc.com
Information, resources and support for bereaved families - National Hospice and Palliative Care - http://www.nhpco.org
- National Institute of Mental Health Public Inquiries - http://www.nimh.nih.gov
Education and publications for families and professionals
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James A. McAlister Funeral Home
1620 Savannah Highway
Charleston, SC 29407
(843) 766-1365
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